Two weeks have passed since I returned home. It's hard to believe it's over. I know that I will reflect for many years on the gift that Eric and Jace have given me over the past four months. The thought of it brings me to tears. I wanted to do it--and I did--and they encouraged me to go. I lived life around the world solo. After all these years as a wife, mom, and teacher, I was blessed to just be a person. Eric and I got married so young and fell into the cycle of work and debt quickly. I grew tired of hearing all of my friends and colleagues speak of the places they had been and experiences they have had. I grew frustrated that conversations of culture and travel left me excluded. It upset me to know that I spent each day in a room with four walls educating my students to leave and go off to a world I didn't even understand myself--I was preparing them to lead a life of adventure while I stayed behind. It wasn't fair and I felt left out. I wanted my own stories--my own experiences. I now have a lifetime of them accumulated over a period of a few short months. I challenged myself to see the world and figure things out on my own and it was incredible.
I am aware of how vulnerable this experience made me. I have always been protected, but not this time. I was on my own and I dared to reveal myself along the way. I am a fairly reserved person when it comes to my personal life and don't have many close friends, so divulging so much about my journey and myself was extremely difficult. I have tried my best to be honest and to share the highs and lows, even if it wasn't easy. Life is hard. Life is unpredictable. And sometimes life is just defeating. I forced myself to try and find joy in even the worst of circumstances. I will probably never even know who read my story along the way, but I hope that rather than bringing judgement, it inspired adventure and encouraged perseverance. There were many times it terrified me to think about who was reading my thoughts and my struggles and what they would think of me, but Eric kept encouraging me to be open about life and give people a glimpse into a world many would never get to see themselves. And so I kept writing. It meant a lot when many of you that were following me reached out with encouragement and messages from home--thanks for that.
In all of my travels, while explaining my story to many I met along the way, I heard "you must have an amazing husband to let you do this," more times than I can count on this trip.
I also heard that I was a bad wife and mother for choosing to take a trip like this and leave my family behind. Well, we take pride in the fact that we do things differently sometimes--we do it our way. We are a perfect trio and God put us together on purpose. We have stopped trying to define life based on other people's terms and just started trying to do what is right for us.
I was also harshly criticized for choosing to go to Africa in the heart of the Ebola scare. I tried share with Jace that no matter how hard you try, people won't understand or agree with every decision you make. As a family, we were always completely at peace with my decision to go. It took over six months to plan all of the projects, flights, accommodations, and details of this trip, and it all just worked out--we took that as a sign that I was supposed to go. There were many times that kids at school tried to tell Jace that my flight would disappear or crash or that his mom would die of ebola, and he would come home in tears. When things like that would come up, Eric and I would try to explain to him that if something happened to mom in Africa, then it was my time to go, and that I wouldn't have any regrets about my decision. I needed to go. I felt called to go. And I made him promise that he would never hold it against Africa if something happened. Life isn't a guarantee in any country. And you have to live life while you have it; not wait around fearing it will end.
I know that God protected me on this trip. True, I was extremely conscious of every decision, ate well, took my pills religiously, drank lots of water, and exercised regularly, but there were so many things that could have gone wrong, and they didn't. I was gone over 100 days in Africa and was only sick one time--for less than 24 hours. I took 13 flights and there wasn't a single delay or case of missing luggage. I went on countless runs and never once tripped, fell, or found myself in an unsafe predicament. I was clearly protected beyond my own measures. I have so many things to be thankful for--and amazed by.
"How was Africa?" I am dreading this question more than any other part of my return. I know that re-acclimation will be hard and that falling into a routine filled with luxuries that I didn't get in Africa will seem strange--like hot water and a washing machine--but I fear most the temptation I will have to lose my patience in trying to answer the question, "how was Africa?" So far, I have just smiled and just said, "amazing," as that question can't truly be answered and that is all most want to hear. My blog was my way of truthfully answering that question, and yet, it still left out so many things that shaped my experience and altered my views on life and the people in it forever. I wasn't even able to blog about how truly awful it was to live and work with the other American in Ghana--it nearly broke me and tested me to my limit, but that story can only be fully shared in person (and with a beer....or two....). I truly appreciate those of you that read about my experience in full and even emailed or reached out to encourage me or my family. This is my last blog and I want to say how grateful I am that you took the time to be part of this journey with me. I have learned to be open, be brave, be adventurous, be vulnerable, and just to be quiet. But mostly, I learned to embrace life and be grateful for the one I was given.
I am aware of how vulnerable this experience made me. I have always been protected, but not this time. I was on my own and I dared to reveal myself along the way. I am a fairly reserved person when it comes to my personal life and don't have many close friends, so divulging so much about my journey and myself was extremely difficult. I have tried my best to be honest and to share the highs and lows, even if it wasn't easy. Life is hard. Life is unpredictable. And sometimes life is just defeating. I forced myself to try and find joy in even the worst of circumstances. I will probably never even know who read my story along the way, but I hope that rather than bringing judgement, it inspired adventure and encouraged perseverance. There were many times it terrified me to think about who was reading my thoughts and my struggles and what they would think of me, but Eric kept encouraging me to be open about life and give people a glimpse into a world many would never get to see themselves. And so I kept writing. It meant a lot when many of you that were following me reached out with encouragement and messages from home--thanks for that.
In all of my travels, while explaining my story to many I met along the way, I heard "you must have an amazing husband to let you do this," more times than I can count on this trip.
I also heard that I was a bad wife and mother for choosing to take a trip like this and leave my family behind. Well, we take pride in the fact that we do things differently sometimes--we do it our way. We are a perfect trio and God put us together on purpose. We have stopped trying to define life based on other people's terms and just started trying to do what is right for us.
I was also harshly criticized for choosing to go to Africa in the heart of the Ebola scare. I tried share with Jace that no matter how hard you try, people won't understand or agree with every decision you make. As a family, we were always completely at peace with my decision to go. It took over six months to plan all of the projects, flights, accommodations, and details of this trip, and it all just worked out--we took that as a sign that I was supposed to go. There were many times that kids at school tried to tell Jace that my flight would disappear or crash or that his mom would die of ebola, and he would come home in tears. When things like that would come up, Eric and I would try to explain to him that if something happened to mom in Africa, then it was my time to go, and that I wouldn't have any regrets about my decision. I needed to go. I felt called to go. And I made him promise that he would never hold it against Africa if something happened. Life isn't a guarantee in any country. And you have to live life while you have it; not wait around fearing it will end.
I know that God protected me on this trip. True, I was extremely conscious of every decision, ate well, took my pills religiously, drank lots of water, and exercised regularly, but there were so many things that could have gone wrong, and they didn't. I was gone over 100 days in Africa and was only sick one time--for less than 24 hours. I took 13 flights and there wasn't a single delay or case of missing luggage. I went on countless runs and never once tripped, fell, or found myself in an unsafe predicament. I was clearly protected beyond my own measures. I have so many things to be thankful for--and amazed by.
"How was Africa?" I am dreading this question more than any other part of my return. I know that re-acclimation will be hard and that falling into a routine filled with luxuries that I didn't get in Africa will seem strange--like hot water and a washing machine--but I fear most the temptation I will have to lose my patience in trying to answer the question, "how was Africa?" So far, I have just smiled and just said, "amazing," as that question can't truly be answered and that is all most want to hear. My blog was my way of truthfully answering that question, and yet, it still left out so many things that shaped my experience and altered my views on life and the people in it forever. I wasn't even able to blog about how truly awful it was to live and work with the other American in Ghana--it nearly broke me and tested me to my limit, but that story can only be fully shared in person (and with a beer....or two....). I truly appreciate those of you that read about my experience in full and even emailed or reached out to encourage me or my family. This is my last blog and I want to say how grateful I am that you took the time to be part of this journey with me. I have learned to be open, be brave, be adventurous, be vulnerable, and just to be quiet. But mostly, I learned to embrace life and be grateful for the one I was given.